Sorry for calling your idea hauntingly pedestrian during a brainstorming session I wasn't invited to.

Sorry for writing "per my last email" in a tone only audible to dogs.

Sorry I rearranged your bookshelf by emotional arc instead of genre. I thought it would "flow better."

Sorry for saying "that tracks" while you cried.

Sorry I corrected your pronunciation of "ennui" and then immediately fell into it.

Sorry for nodding solemnly when you said you were "going through a lot," then asking if that included your haircut.

Sorry for drafting a tweet about you and then saving it to Notes instead. It had three potential punchlines.

Sorry I told your toddler that "dreams are mostly metaphoric trauma."

Sorry for blinking very slowly during your startup pitch. I wasn't trying to dominate the room. It just happened.

Sorry I whispered "fascinating" when you explained your 401(k).

Sorry for emotionally distance-ghosting your group text. I just didn't have the bandwidth for that many "lols."

Sorry for pretending I didn't see you at Trader Joe's. I was emotionally in Whole Foods.

Sorry I brought up the word "zeitgeist" during your dad's funeral speech. It wasn't the time.

Sorry for being just barely emotionally available enough to confuse you for 14 months.

Sorry I saved your apology as a PDF. It just felt important.