1. Napoleon Bonaparte – Executive Strategist, Scaled Operations

Headline:

Corsica, Remote Friendly | "Scaling Empires from Scratch"

Summary:

A growth-obsessed disruptor known for redefining territory acquisition and hierarchical org design. Built and lost one of the most ambitious continental networks in history, all while managing morale, uniforms, and being aggressively average in height (which he never once mentioned).

Endorsements:

"He commands the room." — Josephine

"He didn't overthink the hire. Or anything." — The French Army

2. Cleopatra – Strategic Partnerships, Egypt & Beyond

Headline:

Alexandria | "Bridging Cultures. Negotiating from the Bath."

Summary:

Iconic for her direct-to-CEO relationship strategy, Cleopatra's personal brand fused diplomacy, language fluency, and face-melting charisma. Could charm entire empires into partnership alignment using nothing but eyeliner and geopolitical instinct.

Skills:

Multilingual influence

PR crisis control

Snake-related exit strategy (not recommended)

3. Leonardo da Vinci – Creative Generalist, Looking for Focus

Headline:

Florence | "Artist, Inventor, Anatomist, Procrastinator"

Summary:

Possibly the original polymath-overachiever. Spent equal time dissecting bodies, designing flying machines, painting the ineffable, and avoiding deadlines. Ideal candidate for startups who say "we're looking for someone flexible."

Pinned Post:

"Here's a small sketch I did during lunch. Might change the course of science forever."

4. Sigmund Freud – Culture Shaper, Unsolicited Advice Guy

Headline:

Vienna | "Building Consciousness Infrastructure"

Summary:

Made a career out of telling people that all their problems were, unfortunately, their mother. Would 100% be posting long threads on "Why your startup anxiety is sexual." Still unclear if he was ever employed or just vaguely consulting for decades.

Endorsements:

"His theories made me uncomfortable, but I read them twice." – Everyone

"Needs boundaries." – Also everyone

5. Albert Einstein – Independent Thinker, Hair Forward

Headline:

Princeton (but flexible) | "Physics, Philosophy, and Unbrushed Brilliance"

Summary:

The original "I swear I'm thinking" aesthetic. Excelled in long walks, loose logic, and questioning the structure of reality before breakfast. Would absolutely have a low-effort profile photo and an overlong About section that starts with "Everything is relative…"

Interests:

Conceptual frameworks

Time (bending, pondering, ignoring)

Teaching without needing to touch a whiteboard

6. Emily Dickinson – Thought Leader, Reluctantly

Headline:

Amherst (remote only) | "I'm in the attic. Please don't call."

Summary:

A highly productive introvert with ruthless clarity, Emily never left the house — and still influenced an entire genre. Her LinkedIn profile would be blank. She'd still get 3,000 followers in a week. Didn't attend meetings. Sent poems instead.

Top Skill:

Saying the thing without saying the thing

7. Genghis Khan – Growth Hacker, Literal Version

Headline:

Former Mongol Empire | "Let's scale this. Like, really scale it."

Summary:

Possibly the most aggressive expansion strategy ever executed. Zero churn. Hyper-local team building (usually via siege). Modern HR would not approve, but modern orgs could never. Not a great manager. Excellent results.

Quote:

"If you're afraid of being misunderstood, you're not conquering hard enough."

8. Marie Antoinette – Lifestyle Curator, Brand Disgrace

Headline:

Versailles | "Elevating Moments Others Take for Granted"

Summary:

The original lifestyle influencer. Not super in-touch with the end user, but set trends for decades. Career ended due to PR misfire. Possibly never said her most famous quote, but it lives on in every startup trying to build luxury vibes with zero runway.

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